About Me

When I have an assignment from a client to do a bio on them, I cringe a bit. It’s tricky, you see. A bio is a short write up of a person’s life. A snapshot, if you will. And I, if you haven’t noticed, can be a bit long-winded.

Also, prioritizing one’s achievements can be befuddling because who’s to say which achievement is more important than another, really? I mean, being an owner of 5 Krispy Kreme donut shops may be impressive to some, but if the owner has neglected his family and become a bitter, small man to do it, is it really an accomplishment?

Ahem.

This bio, then, is a challenge for me.

1. It’s about me.
2. It’s for present reference to claiming my future life.
3. It is life or death important.

So… No pressure. It all comes down to this: WHO DO I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP?

What types of qualities do I want to have under my belt or in my toolbox? How do I want to meet challenges and triumphs? What kind of woman do I want to be? Because let’s face it… The world is my oyster. Just like for anyone else. It truly is a choice. The rest is just gaining experience.

I have said for years that “Nobody is living in your skin but you.” It’s been advice I have shared with my kids, my husband, and my friends. Short. Accurate. It just meant to me that the most important one benefitting from whatever decision they are making would be them, so make the decision based on their heart, gut, … an authentic place.

Now it’s time to say, after all these years, “Nobody’s living in your skin, T.N., but you. You know what to do. Time to get to livin’.”

Erp. All of a sudden, shit just got real.

Nobody else’s opinion matters more, here in my life, than mine. Nobody’s reactions or approval or tsk-ing or clapping matters one bit in this particular instance. I GET TO CHOOSE. It’s time to heal. To Embrace my choice. To take off the blinders that came with sexual abuse and get to livin’ in spite of the abuse.

WHO DO I WANT TO BE WHEN I’VE GROWN UP???

Simple. I want to be alive.

I want, when I have looked back a bit on my life, to know that I embrace life. That I seek out the joy, the adventure, the risk, the passion and abundance that life is so full of. If I experience pain, it is because I risked to do it. I chose the consequences.

I couldn’t care less what’s on a TV or computer screen because I don’t ever want to watch someone else live life and be entertained while I live safe but blah in my existence. That’s just settling, to me, and I’m not about that anymore.

So this bio is not for other person’s judgment of whether I’m good enough for a job, or to write, or a certain position, or any accolades. This bio is my guidebook to finding my bliss, tailored specifically to me.

Who am I?

I’m T.N.

I snore when I sleep. Whenever I can stay asleep. Because I tend to live in a state of hyper-awareness. Maybe this is because I don’t want to miss anything the world has to offer. Maybe it’s because I’m a mom, and am used to startling awake at the drop of a pin. Probably, though, it’s because I was sexually abused when I was little, and usually out of a dead sleep. The startling was one of the worst parts, strangely enough.

I’ve got a complicated childhood. I adore some of my siblings and barely get past a neutral greeting with others. I had really great moments growing up, and really horrible ones. I grew up with a big family in a small town full of churches and staunch Christian beliefs. I was groomed by all of them, whether they acknowledge it or not, and I resent them all for closing ranks when I talked to them all about being touched inappropriately.

I am a boat-rocker. A black sheep. A pot-stirrer. I’m okay with it now, but I wasn’t back then. They helped me with my thick skin. I moved to get away from them all. The memories and trauma followed me, to various extents, and the last few decades have been a journey to shed the chaos of them.

I love adventure, and food, and traveling because they all mean connecting with a bigger life than I grew up with. I crave connecting with things and people that have a bigger meaning than me. Than my life. It gives me purpose and something to look forward to.

I’m terrible at crafts and creating knick-knack-ee things, but try them out anyway. I’ve got an office full of paintings and ceramic art that means I had fun trying.

I never get things right on the first try, but I don’t know that I’d have it any other way. My son is athletically inclined, but I’ve gotta work hard on form and drills just to keep up with him. This, my dad used to say, is the best way to stay humble. So I’ll keep at life knowing I’ll make mistakes, but I won’t stop trying to improve. This is needed for the times when I feel alone, depressed, or humiliated.

The last thing to know about me is I am passionate. I’m passionate about a good cause. I’m passionate about counting in this life, and about others counting, too. I’m passionate about standing up to bullies and claiming the same human rights as any other human. Whether in my family, my community, my country or this world, we are human, first.

I’m in a place in my life now where I’m ready to claim that right. And I am most passionate about meeting and sharing my life with those who claim that right, too.

Nice to meet you.